Magic of Cooking
Food is essential and I think it is the best and easiest topic to break the ice. I mean everyone can relate to food and everyone IS foodie. I think I can talk about food all day long and anytime. I myself is a big time foodie and I love cooking. I wanted to talk about food like almost all the time. Food is an identity. It has been spoken with pride over generations. It speaks loud about the culture, Heritage. We are being so protective of that as well. Every state has a different food in India and it is somehow also been an identity of states. But lately, I am getting that feeling to discuss more about the food dynamic in our society and house.
I also grew up in such house where gender role has been defined. I have seen cooking is a role of mother and she was make to believe that that is her life purpose. She is also responsible to pass on that mindset and culinary skills only to daughters of the house. I mean sure, it’s a skills everyone should learn it. Why only girls? Who started that custom? Who is benefiting out of it? If it is a skills, everyone should learn it. I used to baffle by the reasons given for that as well. The most heard reasons were, “sasural me nak katayegi hamare ghar ka” and “Iski maa ne to ise kuch nahi sikhaya”. Since when cooking become a character certificate and house pride? Why it has been forced upon only one gender? Isn’t it be a choice of individual?
Food is an identity
On top of that, they never been thank or recognise or given credit for that enough. I mean we even thank waiter for food just for serving. We ravishing about restaurants and chef. Why can’t we do the same for women of the house? Moreover, I have always seen men complain about the food. “Aaj namak kam hai”, “thoda spicy ho gaya hai” and blah blah blah. Why such double standard? I have seen hardly men complimenting women in house for their food. Women been forced to believe, it’s their duty to serve a good food to a man of a house when he comes home after a tiring day at work. Why we never discuss the tiring preparation and long hours goes behind to put such delicious food on table? Cooking is also a tiring and time consuming job. Who will serve them food after a long day?
Women been forced to believe, it’s their duty to serve a good food to a man of a house when he comes home after a tiring day at work.
We did not even stop there. We take it up notch by creating discourses around it. “Maa ke hath ka khana”, “Unconditional mother love”, “Mother never off duties”, “Supermom”. Isn’t that a wrong thing to glorify such things? Does mother ever been asked if she wants to do it? Does she has an option to just take a break sometime? I have seen my mom also being victim in the hand of this. I have seen her cooking through sickness. I have also seen her cooking crying some times. I was young, used to question why but I was also part of that patriarchal mindset where I been tought, “Ladke kitchen me nahi jate”, “khana banana aurato ka kam hai”. So, I just keep silence and never questioned.
I have seen how cooking makes my mom happy. But only when she is cooking for family or others. Why can’t I see same happiness when she has to cook for herself? It is her duty to know and keep a tap of everyone’s like and dislike in family and cook accordingly. How about her likes and dislikes? Why her opinions or likes been not part of consideration? She will keep on asking everyone what to cook, but never had I heard mom saying, I have cook this today.
We take it up notch by creating discourses around it. “Maa ke hath ka khana”, “Unconditional mother love”, “Mother never off duties”, “Supermom”.
If you think this is worst, then you are wrong. It is more horrific when you understand the effects of it. Women been taught that they are in the house to cook for men and serving them is their purpose. I have seen mom cooking happily whatever I asked her to. But she will never do the same for herself. Isn't that sad even to think. They are even allow to cook for themselves. I have seen my mother struggle to cook just for herself. She will ended up eating some left over or something very generic. Upon asking, she will just say,”akele ke liye kya hi banau”. It breaks my heart that she has not given a mind and space where she can think of just herself. That makes me wonder sometime, what all we have snatched or taken away from them not only just food.
They are not even allowed to eat their own cooked food when they are hungry or when it is hot. It is a duty of women to serve a food to man first and then eat later. They must wait for man to come home even if they are hungry. We even glorified that wait and misery. I grew up watching movie where women are waiting with prepared food on the table. They are so happy to see their man coming home so that they can serve them a food. I mean, how is that the happiness? Why we are normalizing such toxicity? I know, things has been changed and changing but still this things persists in our society. Women still being judged by eating first or not waiting for man. Is it hard to understand that human eats when they are hungry? Since when this whole house and society standards and rules started taking places and started define the basic human need?
They must wait for man to come home even if they are hungry. We even glorified that wait and misery.
We been fed such toxicity through everywhere, Even advertisements of all cooking essentials has woman in it. It is very subtle but louder way to narrate that no matter what “coking is women job”.
This is effecting men as well. Cooking is art and it’s a skill. Some men has a neck for it. But they been told not to. They have to literally fight their instinct and kill their desire because of the perceived thoughts. I remember how drifted I was when I started cooking. I used to literally fight all my thoughts and learning just to do what I like to do. Women are still at a greater loss but this can be a start if men start realizing, Kitchen is also part of home. We can share bedroom, hall even washroom, why can’t we share kitchen as well? I started sharing kitchen with mom and we have some amazing moments in kitchen. We have some best conversation. We sing together. I want every men to experience that. It is just pure magical!!! Cooking is magic.
